The word endurance can be defined as: the hope that this wretched pain will end in the next sixty seconds. Anyone with no hope left in the world would not succeed in an endurance test.
This is the insight I gained tonight while doing Nell McAndrew's Ultimate Challenge workout DVD. How else is it possible that I lasted an entire hour of jumping, squatting, tightening and lifting?
Nell McAndrew, according to Wikipedia, is an English glamour model, TV presenter, Lara Croft model for the video game and 'has released many popular calendars'. Good for her. I'd not heard of her before because, well... I'm not a sixteen-year-old English schoolboy.
So, housemate nunber one brought Nell home last week with the hope of getting fit again after the holiday season of, 'Yes, why don't we order pizza and Thai on the same day and stay in our pyjamas and watch cheesy movies and not shower?' But housemate number one had really hoped to get fit via osmosis so Nell stayed on the coffee table for several days holding our chocolate and red wine in place. Then, in stepped housemate number two, who with the pressure of having to be in a bridesmaid dress in September, unwrapped the plastic cover on the DVD and made me dig out my pilates clothes (which were buried below my summer dresses - what does that tell you???).
It was fun at first, three pathetically unfit girls jumping around the living room, arms waving about, fists banging into walls, furniture, each other. Then came the not so fun part - squat and hooooooooooooollllllldddddd. We grunted and swore like we were giving birth to hippo calves. The whole time, evil Nell had this smug grin on her face, peppy and chipper and not losing a sweat. Look at her - don't you want to slap her too?
As if this isn't bad enough (and it was at this moment I got the insight into human endurance), THEY LIE TO YOU! On more than one occasion, Nell's camp yet beautifully toned and bronzed male counterpart, who led the charge, yelled: "Just three more now, three, two, one, and eight, seven, six and five..." Yeah, no.
I was ready to give up fifteen minutes into this aerobic 'ultimate challenge'. But each time the rhythm changed to a slower pace, I had hoped the routine would come to an end. Forever the optimist, I clung onto that thought for forty-five minutes. And you know what? The three of us all made it to the end of the hour-long workout. Not sure if I entirely agree with the methods, and I still believe Nell to be smug and evil, but hey, WE DID IT!
So Nell, I will give you another go. I do feel great about myself right now, even though tomorrow morning could be a completely different story. I reckon with your help I can get those ultimate results that you promise. But please try to be less peppy in your future DVDs. Or at least sweat a little.